Posts Tagged ‘affair’

Doing Life According to Our Own Ideas

Friday, April 15th, 2011

Speaking at women’s retreats gives me many opportunities to hear heart-breaking stories. Some gals tell me about being abandoned by their husbands. Some admit, with great remorse, to having an affair or choosing to abort their child. Some have suffered physical or sexual abuse. There’s no end to the list of hurts they suffer.

Sometimes these hurts stem from someone else’s issue. Sometimes they’re the direct result of decisions they’ve made. Sadly, some women blame God for their pain rather than taking responsibility for it. Their circumstances cave in, and then they wonder why.

God’s word tells us that we have a choice about how to do life. We can either play by His rules (designed to protect us), or we can make up our own. Trouble is, apart from God’s input, our thoughts about how to do life often get us into trouble. Psalm 81:11,12 says, “My people wouldn’t listen. Israel did not want me around. So I let them follow their own stubborn desires, living according to their own ideas.”

Let’s face it—we humans aren’t so smart sometimes. We think we know what’s best for us, but in reality we don’t. Here are some examples:

  • We feel attracted toward someone other than our husband, and we end up in an affair thinking it will satisfy our emotional needs. Bad idea.
  • We think we need a bigger house or a nicer car when in reality, smaller or older will suffice. Uncontrolled or unwise spending usually results in financial bondage. Bad move.
  • We think we’re too busy to spend time in God’s word on a regular basis. That means we rely on our own strength and wisdom rather than His. Bad idea.

God gives us the freedom to choose how we want to live. We can either follow our own ideas as the Israelites did and pay the consequences, or we can do life His way. Personally, I believe His way is much, much smarter. It’s also filled with blessings.

“Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it with good things,” He says. “I would feed you with the finest wheat. I would satisfy you with wild honey from the rock” (Psalm 81:10,16). Which would we rather do–experience God’s presence and blessings for following His ways, or suffer for following ours? The choice is up to us. Let’s be smart about it.

“God, forgive us for thinking our ideas are better than Yours. Grant us humility to embrace Your ways as right and good. Make us wise as we travel this journey between here and heaven. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

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The Golden Rule

Monday, January 10th, 2011

“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you” (Matthew 7:12).

I read these familiar words and screech to a mental halt. A handful of recent irritations and hurts come to mind. What are you doing about these? a little voice whispers. How are you responding to those who have mistreated you? What are your thoughts toward them? What do you say about them to others?

Good questions, they are. They force me to examine my attitudes and measure them against the plumb line of God’s Truth. Am I treating these people as I want them to treat me? Are my thoughts about them kind and honorable, as I want their thoughts about me to be? If I speak about them to others, are my words kind and gracious? Bottom line, am I doing to them as I want them to do to me?

If the answer is no, then I’m likely doing the opposite – I’m doing to others as they do to me. My sinful nature says I’m justified. If someone gossips about me, it’s okay for me to bad mouth her. If a family member’s addictions make my life lousy, it’s okay for me to generate grief for him in return. If my husband cheats on me, I can get involved with someone else, too. Fair’s fair, right? Wrong. God says that attitude is a no-go.

“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.” Rats, do I have to? Must I really refrain from undercutting so-and-so’s reputation after she lied about me? Must I really speak respectfully to the person whose sarcasm cuts and stings? Must I really continue loving the person who misconstrues the things I say for her own gain?

Yes, I really must. Thankfully God never issues a command without providing a way to fulfill it. When we’re in relationship with Him, His Holy Spirit lives in us and enables us to do those things that are humanly impossible. He’s the One who helps us overcome the temptation to indulge in sweet revenge and to respond in a way that honors God.

And so I press forward—learning, growing, changing, experiencing a character makeover based on the Golden Rule. Me thinks life would be easier without it sometimes, but that’s not to be. The mandate’s been stated and it’s my job to do what it says…even when it’s difficult. Sigh.

Can anyone relate?

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Obedience and Other Stuff

Friday, May 15th, 2009

We humans are a perplexing bunch, don’t you think? We can justify nearly anything we do. Sometimes it starts with the small stuff. Here’s an example:

I’m working at my computer in the middle of the afternoon when hunger pangs strike. I satisfy them with a brownie despite knowing that an apple would be a smarter food choice. “It’s okay,” I reassure myself, “I needed something sweet.” (Like, duh…a few too many brownies later, I’m frustrated at the bathroom scale for its ever-increasing numbers).

Sometimes the issues are much bigger…

A man sits in our dining room, explaining why he’s leaving his wife of 28 years. “I just need some time to myself,” he says. “I need to think, to sort things out.” (He was having an affair but didn’t realize that we knew about it. He was actually making the break with his wife so he could move in with his girlfriend).

Who are we kidding, anyway? And who was Saul kidding when he blatantly disobeyed God’s commands and then justified his behavior?

1 Samuel 15:1-15 tells the story of Saul fighting the Amalekites. God had issued his command: “Go and completely destroy the entire Amalekite nation – men, women, children, babies, cattle, sheep, camels, and donkeys.” Saul went into battle, but rather than obeying implicitly, he captured the Amalekite king and spared the best of the sheep and the cattle. Then Samuel showed up and demanded an explanation.

“I have carried out the Lord’s command,” said Saul wearing a grin a mile wide (v. 13).

“Then what’s all the bleating of sheep and lowing of cattle I hear?” Samuel asked.

“It’s true that the army spared the best of the sheep and cattle,” Saul admitted. “But they are going to sacrifice them to the Lord your God. We have destroyed everything else.”

Did Saul actually think he could justify his disobedience and get away with it? I guess so. Sadly, it didn’t work. It doesn’t work for us either.

When God tells us to give to the needy, He’s not impressed with excuses such as, “Well, my kids’ sports activities cost so much that I didn’t have anything left to give.” When He tells us to get rid of questionable books or magazines, He’s not impressed with answers like, “But the fizzle left my marriage years ago. These stories replace the romance I don’t have in real life.” When He tells us to get involved with missions in North America or overseas, He’s less than excited when we respond, “Who, me? Uh, I don’t have the time right now.”

God wants our obedience, not our reasons for why we do life our own way. More on Monday.

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