Posts Tagged ‘fear of rejection’

Facing the Fear of Rejection

Monday, November 1st, 2010

At the request of Stonecroft Ministries, I’m producing a 7-part teaching DVD and study guide based on Moving From Fear to Freedom: A Woman’s Guide to Peace in Every Situation for small groups. I’ll teach the sixth session later this week. It’s titled, “Will You Love the Real Me?” and addresses the fear of personal rejection.

I’ve faced rejection many times. One of the most hurtful happened when a fellow to whom I’d been engaged dumped me when another young woman attracted his attention. His attitude and actions left me doubting my worth and feeling completely unlovable. The fact that he’d said he loved me but later reneged broke my heart and left me with trust issues that carried into my marriage years later.

My feelings of worthlessness stuck like Velcro for ‘way too long. What finally helped me move beyond their grip? Catching wee glimpses of God’s love for me as expressed in His Word and choosing to trust His integrity with the depths of my heart.  

How much does He love me and thee? We can’t even begin to count the ways! His devotion to us supersedes anything our minds can comprehend. “His unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth…the love of the Lord remains forever with those who fear him,” says Psalm 103:11,17.

Will God turn His back on those whose hearts are bent on pleasing Him? Not a chance. Will He tire of us and cast us aside? Never. Will He betray us by taking His love from us and giving it to someone else? No, no, no. God’s love for us cannot be measured and it will never, ever fail.

So long as we’re warm and breathing, we face the possibility of personal rejection by other human beings. But God’s love for us remains forever. Can we trust Him? Yes. Do we trust Him? That’s another question.

What insights do you have about God’s love for His children? We’d love to hear from you!

A Newborn, a Panicked Mother, and the Fear of Rejection – 2/2

Friday, February 12th, 2010

What causes a 20-year-old unmarried woman to deny she’s pregnant despite the obvious, and then dispose of her newborn son’s body in a dumpster? As I mentioned in my last post, one psychiatrist suggest it was the fear of rejection, “of some sort of disapproval from others.”

I have a hunch the psychiatrist is right. I’m reading Soul Cravings by Erwin McManus, and he writes that mankind has been created with an innate desire to be loved. We desperately crave to belong, to be accepted, to win the approval of others. Sometimes that desire for love, and the fear of losing it, is so strong that we do illogical or inappropriate things to try to satisfy and keep it.

Take, for instance, a young woman who sleeps with every guy she dates. Chances are good that she’s not really enjoying herself. In reality, she’s simply trying to fill a God-created vacuum. Her soul longs for unconditional love, but her attempts to earn it aren’t working because she’s going about it in the wrong way.

Consider a man or woman with perfectionistic tendencies. We might view such folks as high-achievers and credit them for their drive to excel. Truth is, sometimes perfectionism masks a desire for love. Their hard work is nothing more than an inverted fear of rejection. If I land this deal and please the boss, then he’ll approve of me.  

The fear of rejection is subtle and seldom recognized as the root cause for many inappropriate actions. It has the power to imprison, to take captive, and to destroy. How, then, can we escape its grip?

By accepting the fact that we are unconditionally loved by our Creator. We can’t buy His affection, nor must we earn it through good behavior. He values us, He wants us, He pursues us. He made us for relationship with Himself , and it’s only in that relationship with Him that our soul’s craving for love is fully satisfied.

When we finally grasp the depth of His desire and love for us, the fear of rejection loses its power over us. We become alive, truly alive, and confident in knowing that Jesus will never leave or forsake us. Others may turn their backs on us or consider us disposable, but Jesus will be our forever Friend.

Psalm 27:7-10 say, “Hear me as I pray, O Lord. Be merciful and answer me! My heart has heard you say, ‘Come and talk with me.’ And my heart responds, ‘Lord, I am coming’ Do not turn your back on me. Do not reject your servant in anger. You have always been my helper. Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me, O God of my salvation! Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.”

Do you hear God’s invitation to intimacy with Him? “My heart has heard you say, ‘Come and talk with me.’ And my heart responds, ‘Lord, I am coming.” These words describe our innate inner tug for intimacy with God. He invites us to conversation with Him, and our hearts find fulfillment when we say yes.  

The psalmist’s cry for love and acceptance echoes the cry of the rest of mankind. Do not reject me! Don’t leave me! Don’t abandon me! And his last statement reveals the source of his assurance: The Lord will hold me close.

Believing God’s unconditional and never-ending love for us is the only answer to overcoming the fear of rejection. And modeling that love to those around us will help them in their journey toward wholeness, too.

May He wrap you in His arms today and assure you that He’ll always be there for you.

Newsborn’s Body Recovered at Dump — Part 1/2

Wednesday, February 10th, 2010

The Province’s headline dated Tuesday, February 9 grips me and demands a response. The story tells of a 20-year-old unmarried woman who delivered a full-term baby boy in her boyfriend’s bathroom as he slept on the couch. When the boyfriend woke, she told him that she’d miscarried. They wrapped the baby’s body in a towel, put him in a garbage bag, and then tossed him in a nearby dumpster.

Two weeks later, a tipster phoned police who launched a three-day search for the baby’s remains. Dozens of officers sifted through 10-meter-deep trash at a landfill until they discovered the wee body. An autopsy will determine the infant’s cause of death.

A police spokeswoman said, “Whether or not the baby was alive, it’s an unimaginable act by a mother.” A psychiatrist at B.C. Women’s Hospital said that neonaticide (the killing of a baby within its first 24 hours) is “usually a young mom who acts out of fear of rejection, of some sort of disapproval from others. Usually this woman is immature and has poor problem-solving skills. She hides herself giving birth and she panics.”

I read this story and knew I had to respond or I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Here are two thoughts in regard to this tragedy:

 * Today’s society teaches that babies in the womb are merely blobs of tissue, not living beings. It argues that mothers have the right to determine whether or not their babies live or die prior to birth, and in fact, up to birth (ie: partial birth abortions). Who or what, then, determines the invisible line between a mother exercising her rights and a mother who suddenly faces criminal charges for taking her infant’s life? And who decides when the baby ceases to be called “it” and becomes “he,” as the police spokeswoman referred to him?

I find this report ironic, in a way. If society teaches young men and women that human life is disposable, why is it shocked when a young mom throws away her newborn?  Police are recommending charges of “offering an indignity to a dead body.” Please explain how tossing this infant’s remains in a public dumpster differ from the indignity of disposing of an aborted child in a hospital dumpster.

Something inside me protests at the inconsistency and insanity of it all. Where will it end?

* The psychiatrist says that neonaticide is usually caused by the fear of rejection, “of some sort of disapproval from others.” Interesting observation…and totally true. Unfortunately, this fear affects more than just the immature and those with poor problem-solving skills.

The fear of rejection impacts women of all ages and from all walks of life – business  professionals, homemakers, singles and marrieds. It causes 250,000 evangelical Christian women each year to abort their babies to avoid being gossiped about within their own congregations. It’s the force that causes women from all faiths or non-faiths to hide their failures, wear plastic smiles, and cover grief and shame with a mask. The fear of rejection labels transparency as a threat rather than a tool to help the healing process.

As I travel and speak to women’s groups, I see the results of the fear of rejection over and over again. I’m so sick of its vice-like grip on women’s hearts. And I’m sick of its source. Satan has one mandate – he’s out to steal, kill, and to destroy. And fear is one of his major tactics to see that mandate fulfilled. This newspaper story adds one more tally mark on his endless victim list. Enough is enough, don’t you think?

This post is long enough for today, but I’m not finished yet. One of my goals for this blog is to take readers deeper in their faith, and that’s what I intend to do. Join me on Friday’s post as I address the only way to rise above the fear of rejection. And please feel free to post your thoughts about this subject.