A Key to Forgiving Someone Who Hurts You

A Key to Forgiving Someone Who Hurts You - Grace Fox

Forgiving someone who hurts us is vital to our spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical well-being, but let’s face it: It’s really difficult sometimes.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your ability to forgive someone who’s wronged you? The lower end of the scale represents, “Forgive? Seriously? He/she doesn’t deserve forgiveness!” The upper end represents, “Forgive? Sure, no problem. ”

I fall somewhere in the middle. The more hurtful the offense, the more I wrestle with extending forgiveness. I know it’s the right thing to do, but a battle rages within.

It sounds something like this:

“Grace—forgive your offender as Christ has forgiven you.”

“I’m trying, but forgiving that person would be much easier if she’d apologize for what she’s done.”

“Forgiveness isn’t conditional. You need to offer it whether or not she ever acknowledges the pain she’s caused. ”

“I know that, too, but I still want her to be sorry for what she’s done.”

“She might never reach that point. Forgive her for freedom’s sake—your own freedom, that is.”

And so the conversation goes. Perhaps you can relate. Thankfully the Holy Spirit nudges me closer to the upper end of the scale as I process what’s happened and how to respond in a God-honoring way.

Forgiveness is vital to our well-being

Forgiving someone who hurts us is vital to our spiritual, emotional, mental, and even our physical well-being, but let’s face it: It’s really difficult sometimes.

Thankfully God’s power at work within us enables us to do what’s right. So does recalling biblical truth. Here’s one biblical truth that’s a key, I find, to forgiving those who hurt us: God holds our offender accountable for what he/she has done.

“But I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve” (Jeremiah 17:10).

God is not blind

He sees when someone wrongs His children—even in secret—and He will call the offender to accountability. Sometimes that happens immediately, sometimes not. The timing is up to Him. Trusting that He’ll keep His word in that regard enables us to release the offender into His hands.

But this truth has a second facet to it: Just as God will hold our offender accountable, so He will hold us accountable for our response to being wronged. Will we harbor a grudge or a victim mentality, seek revenge, or extend forgivenesss regardless of the offender’s attitude? The choice is ours.

Knowing that God will hold my offender accountable gives me the freedom to forgive. Knowing that He will hold me accountable for my response gives me incentive to choose well.

How about you?

Where do you fall on the scale?

How will these thoughts about accountability encourage you to forgive even when it’s difficult?

Know you are loved,


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  1. After those words: “The Choice is Ours”…………Knowing that…………
    Those two statements are so, so, so very crucial………………..I’m going to meditate on this before I say any more…………..

  2. Yes, I choose to forgive, and not only that, but I choose to repent, and accept God’s forgiveness for ME……again and again, when I hurt those around me (not intentionally, but sometimes I do “strike back” verbally, with that witchy woman way, “when I deserve the right to simply ‘let them know’ something……..’now that we’re on the subject’ (and I’ve had enough). right? But I would rather not be that way……it’s a process, of losing yourself, and becoming more like Jesus. It is NOT easy for most people. Thank-you so much for this message with scripture.

  3. Something I have learned is that your average person does not intentionally hurt others………….they don’t plan to hurt someone and then carry it out…………so really, they’re not “guilty”; but when they’ve hurt me, or you, and you let them know, and they show no response or deny it, then the ball is in their field, so to speak, when you’ve done your part, and tried to talk to them, and forgiven them and made right with God, you leave it with him. If you can get to that point, then you really only need to be concerned about your own witness……..how you come across to others, and whether or not your words (thoughts) and actions line up with God’s word, so that we honour and glorify Him. I long to please my Father. God, help me.

    1. I agree, Marge. Scripture says we’re to try to live at peace with all men, as much as is possible. We can do our part (in a loving and respectful manner) but we can’t force others to respond as we think they should. But we can pray on their behalf (for good things….not for fire and brimstone to rain on them). Thanks for your comments.

  4. Thank-you, Grace…………I almost feel as though I am the client on the couch in your counselling office……………….which is a good feeling, when you’re going through tough stuff.
    I would say that at the beginning of this blog, I would rate around 6 in the forgiveness area…………..when it’s one of the serious deals. But now I “see” the freedom for me in the whole thing………………..I believe I can be a 10 in forgiving others (and myself) because the whole thing is about honoring God and pleasing Him in what we do, how we react, and what we say…………our example to others. Oh Lord Jesus, I am so grateful for this one. Grace……….thank-you. I love praying for others, but now I don’t have to leave a couple of people out. The thing is, last night I got the freedom on this and “enjoyed” praying blessing on two of my enemy friends. I sensed God’s blessing on me also, and our household got that wonderful Peace that Passes all Understanding. Praises to our wonderful Lord. There’s nothing to match the Christian life.

    1. Oh, Marge. Reading your words and sensing the growth and progression in your life makes me feel absolutely thrilled! I love the fact that God never gives us commands without giving us the power to obey. The more He fills us, the more quickly we can do what He says. Obviously He fills you 🙂

  5. Thank you Grace for this powerful word on forgiveness. It has reminded me that God does care and he DOES see the pain and that he WILL hold those who hurt us accountable. Just knowing that comforts me and also greatly helps me to “let go” and “let GOD”. I practice forgiveness often based on this fact. It helps! And I pray daily for those who have/do hurt me. God is the God who sees! Thank you God! Thank you Grace.

    1. Thank you for your thoughts, Debbie. These thoughts — that God will hold the offender accountable and that He’ll hold me accountable for my response — are what help me extend forgiveness even when I don’t much feel like it. May they enable you to continue to respond well. Know you are loved, Debbie.

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